i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize