SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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