He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
