I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I licked your asshole in confidence.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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