I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You left your underwear on the fireplace
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
