I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
