I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
