She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
