if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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