Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
