I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
