i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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