Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober