listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize