I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............