When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress