so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder