He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.