no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
