Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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