He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm always down for nudity.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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