Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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