you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
