he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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