you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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