i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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