walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
