I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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