is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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