You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
