i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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