I hate your face
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
