bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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