we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
