when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
