walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
