I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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