Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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