i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize