I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
