am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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