i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
