Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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