I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
tell me about the eggs
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