Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
