I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
