I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
