you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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