Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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