The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
