It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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