I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize