Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i love accidental penises.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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