Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
