So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
