dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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