Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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