Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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