I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
