im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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