You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
