it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
