I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
