i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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