Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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