I just made out with a guy for $7.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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