When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
