I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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