barbara walters just said penis...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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